Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize