well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
