she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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