We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
