i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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