fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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