the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Randomize
