That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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