Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
