just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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