I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
