We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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