Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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