Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
