We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
