If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
