He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
