He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
