and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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