i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I want to walk on stilts...naked
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
