my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
