who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
