Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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