Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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