you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
