hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
