I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
