and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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