gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
