I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
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