Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
