I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
