Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
