Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
