And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
