I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
