No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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