When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
