im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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