not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
