great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
