I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
