you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
