while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
