she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
