if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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