So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Congratulations! We have a period
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
