She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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