Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
