I wish you could order shots online.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
