my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
