Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
