Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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