escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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