I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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