I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just found puke in my bra..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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