So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
