I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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