Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
