I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
