and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
