I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Randomize