I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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