I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
