I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
