You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
