For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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