drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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