3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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